Mystery at Lucas Hall

Written for Like The Prose 2021

Detective Admiral Reginaud gathered the suspects together in the library of Lucas Hall. His gold-rimmed monocle glinted in the summer light beaming through the large bay windows. The room was warm both with the heat of the summer and the awkwardness of the collected residents of the stately home.

“I have gathered you here,” began Reginaud, his walrus moustache twitching with his rolling r’s, “because I believe I have figured out the answer to the question you have all been asking yourselves the last few days.”

Reginaud looked out at the faces in front of him of various important characters in the story that we obviously know already so we’re not going to go into it here.

“You have figured out who killed my hamster?”, screamed the young Master Lucas, unnecessarily loudly.

“No, not that.”

“Then you must have figured out what happened to my husband?”, said Mrs Crabbyface. “Oh Gerry. Where could you have gotten to?”

“Ah, no madame, this is not what I have brought you here to deliberate.”

“Why then,” said Lord Lucas, “it must be that private mystery I brought to you about the other day.”

“The identity of the person who is blackmailing you for a small fortune unless you confess to your wife that you are having an affair? No.”

Lady Lucas was going to say something next but suddenly found her coffee a little sweet.

“Any more guesses?”

The butler coughed. “Is it, sir, that matter which I brought to you about the constantly disappearing funds from the household kitty?

The chaplain spoke. “Or that of the roof-repair funds which are also similarly disappearing?”

The chauffeur spoke. “Or how it is that the gardener suddenly has so much money?”

The gardener suddenly remembered that he had a gardening emergency and left the room. The butler, chaplain and chauffeur exchanged some glances and followed after him.

Reginaud shouted after them. “Ah no gentlemen, but thank you for ticking those off my list.” He turned back to the room. “Any other guesses?”

“Woof!” said Biscuits.

“Ah yes, Biscuits, now this is actually quite close.” said the detective.

Reginaud turned to the Lucases and Mrs Crabbyface. “I am shocked at the number of individual incidents that have happened in this building. Never before in all my time as a detective, since I left the Admiralty eight months ago, have I come across such a collection of stuck-up, toff-nosed wastrels. And yet, you have all been asking one question since my arrival, I have heard you ask it, and it is this question that I bring you together to answer.

Reginaud sat in front of Biscuits and stared into his adorable face and prepared his accusation. “It’s you, isn’t it?” he said to the dog. “You’re the good boy, aren’t you? Admit it! Yes, you are! Yes, you are!”

“Woof!”, confessed Biscuits.